Despite this post title, I only have good news. First that I don’t have any real bad news and second that I’m passing on a couple good jokes about bad news that I just came across:

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 HOURS! That’s terrible! WHAT could be WORSE? What’s the very bad news?
Doctor: I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday.

Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, I guess I’ll take the very bad news first.
Doctor: The very bad news is that you have cancer, and there’s nothing we can do to help you. The bad news is that you also have Alzheimer’s.
Patient: Well, at least I don’t have cancer.